Persuasions #9, 1987 Pages 23-24
(To be sung to the tune of “The Flowers that Bloom in the Spring”)
Though once Colonel Brandon was sad, tra la
The moment he wed Marianne,
He just frolicked about like a lad, tra la
And laughed till they all thought him mad, tra la
And became quite a different man.
For ever from then, if he was flannel-clad
He’d say nothing of it, which made his wife glad.
Tra la la la la la, etc.
She said “Willoughby he was a cad, tra la
I’m far better off with my mate.
As my husband he isn’t so bad, tra la
He’ll make quite an excellent dad, tra la
So I’m really content with my fate.
There’s many a good tune, or even ballade,
Played on an old fiddle, and I’ve got a Strad.”
Tra la la la la la (etc.)
With grateful acknowledgement to W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan
Mr. Norris in Heaven
With a hesitant step Mr. Norris
Approaches the great Pearly Gates.
And to meet him – can this be St. Peter?
A small elderly gentleman waits.
“They have sent me, my dear Mr. Norris,
To say welcome to heaven to you;
And the reason, dear sir, I was chosen?
What you suffered on earth I did too.
What you suffered, my poor Mr. Norris,
Is too well known to me too, I fear:
In my last several years on yon planet
I said hardly a word but ‘Yes, dear.’
So I started a small private club here
For the men who were, during their lives
Nagged and lectured both morning and evening
By confoundedly henpecking wives.
It’s a haven of peace, Mr. Norris,
With ethereal walls ten foot thick,
Fully soundproof, dear sir, I assure you,
Made of best ectoplasmical brick.
We let no woman in whatsoever.
When your lady ascends to this clime
(If she does) you need scarce ever see her –
In the club you can spend all your time.
Say you’ll join us, I pray, Mr. Norris!
Come along, my dear sir, don’t be nervous!
I’ll propose you myself as a member –
I, Sir Lewis de Bourgh, at your service.”